Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
