Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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