Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize