1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
