dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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