I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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