none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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