we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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