hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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