On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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