super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
