The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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