now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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