I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
