were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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