tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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