he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
