I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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