if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
