happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She announced her abortion via fbk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize