Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Quick, to the slutcave!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
