I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
