I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
