69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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