Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
