It's like God shit irony all over that family
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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