I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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