Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
