On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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