hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
