My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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