there's paper in my vomit.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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