You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
