I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
