I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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