I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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