my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
