I feel great
I just peed on a car
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
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I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.