I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
