i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
