my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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