I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize