Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
