If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
