she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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