White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
