Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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