My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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