Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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