I'm lost and stupid without you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
