with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
