her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
