Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
