Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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