cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
