There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
