you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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