We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
