i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
