i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize