don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
