Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
