Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
