Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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