Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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