omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you had me at cake vodka
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
